Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
