Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
