I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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