You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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