How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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