So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
