I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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