i need an iv and a liver transplant
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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