I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
