um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
