In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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