I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
