when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize