too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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