I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
