guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
