I skipped work to stalk him.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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