Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize