so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
