i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
