There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
