I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
