I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
