i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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