I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
