He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i drank out of a bidet.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
