1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize