the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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