Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
