I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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