I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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