I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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