I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
