I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
