There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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