I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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