so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize