My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
