I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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