is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
