And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
