the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
