Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
