This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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