Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize