I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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