I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
