I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you had me at cake vodka
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
