Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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