around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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