i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
