So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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