Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize