drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
this hospital has no fireball
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
