i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
