I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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