I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
