I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize