I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize