A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
