The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
