I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
