He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
