And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
