found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
