Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
