I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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