She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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