he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
