eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
