I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize