Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
