haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
one two three fourrrrnication!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
