Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
