I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
