I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
