did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
