worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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