smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
