I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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