Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
