I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize