So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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