My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He did a backflip because drugs
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