I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize