Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
