his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
