I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
