Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
