Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
