drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
