got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
