Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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