I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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