I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
