I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
