I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
