Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
