I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
